Set Free

A Little Break

Just a note--I'm taking a little break here and focusing my writing efforts over the way at Reflectionary. I am not sure if this is a turn in another direction (for writing or for blogging), or an experiment, or perhaps a period of re-defining, assessing where I am and what I'm doing with myself. It may be as simple or as momentous as leaving the birdcage, or as ironic as exchanging one for another.

Anyway, I'm over there, and if I reach any sort of decision about permanent moves, I'll let you know!

Returns of the Day

Here are the returns for this Saturday at my house:

• Pure Luck, returned in the wee hours from that state famous for crabs
• Walking, which I have been avoiding due to the ice; go, slush!
• Flowers, or a hint of them, little green shoots of hope on the side of the street where the sun shines most
• Snow, because you really can't have enough
• .2 pounds, as I continue to navigate a period that I hope will be a blip on the long term arc of weight loss rather than an actual plateau; not being able to exercise may have a lot to do with it, and I have been forbidden the gym for now (or at least the weight lifting part)
• Pizza from City By the Sea Pie Company, which has not been ordered here since all the boys were home
• Painful recognition that pizza, at about 6 points per slice, is not worth it to me
• Enjoyment of laptop use, because I am typing on my new, pink Dell
• Our webring administrator, making the previous item possible (yes, that's Pure Luck; he holds the Key to the Kingdom)
• Me to the newspaper, but you had a chance to read it here first on Thursday

But mostly I want to mention that this is the fourth anniversary of my blog. I wrote three posts in 2003, but my regular pursuit of blogging began on March 15, 2004, and by the following year it had become a very important part of my life. I've said it before: I had no idea blogging would bring face-to-face friends into my life. I'm thankful for them, and for the friends I haven't yet met but know through their writing or their pictures.

Tomorrow's returns will include #1 Son to school and Snowman from school, their Spring break plans causing them to miss each other by just a few hours. And so it goes. I'll keep writing about it, I'm sure, and I hope you'll be here, too.

You Know You're Procrastinating

When you indulge in blog re-design.

It's time for a change around here. I've been in the blue and purple and pink color families for years, but I am declaring 2008 my Red Period. Watch out, world!

Edited to Add: I am going to take up Beso Mami's challenge and keep track of the books I read this year in the sidebar. To be perfectly honest, I haven't finished that one yet, but I put it in to get the sidebar category started. I have two books underway at the moment. No, wait, three.  Perhaps this is one of the reasons I don't finish them all? And is there a knitting corollary? On a related note, I've begun tracking my knitting projects at Ravelry. This is being complicated by the disappearance of my camera. But I am not going to look for it today. Really.

Heading Out

Early in the morning, before the break of day, Snowman, The Princess and I will board a bus bound for Beantown, where we will catch a train  to The Big Apple and see #1 Son in a play. When we return I will be re-packing and leaving the next day for a week at church camp.

The last time I worked at the summer camp, three years ago, I had a blog, but I was using it mostly as a place to post sermons. It was nothing close to the daily activity it is now. I didn't think twice about what leaving it behind would mean.

This year I'm thinking about it a lot.

Recently, being part of the blogosphere has not been the joy it once was. I'll admit it: my feelings are hurt. Others are hurt, too. I'm contemplating issues that had not been part of my reality, examining my reasons for believing certain things. I, who once thought of myself as among the most liberal and inclusive of people, have been pushed to the edge of orthodoxy.  I, who once thought of myself as hip and well-informed, have been forced to realize that I'm apparently conventional.

Blogging hardly seems an appropriate activity for the person I am turning out to be. Perhaps parchment and a quill pen?

Of course, blogging is a requirement of my membership in an organization that has meant a great deal to me. So when I say that I am thinking of retiring from blogging, I'm speaking of something broader, too.

I'm appreciative of the supportive comments left here by many, many people, particularly as I have undertaken changes in my life. I am grappling with how to process sad and difficult feelings without the crutch of overeating, and because blogging about them feels inappropriate, I'm going to have to find a different place to put them.

I'm reading the artful posts of friends, and thinking about how I used to write that way, and recognizing that I don't have the heart to do it right now.

I feel like a drag, and that's not what I want my blogging to be.

So, I'm heading out for the next ten days or so. Most of that time I will be offline. I hope when I come back I'll feel like writing here.

A Thousand Posts Later

I started blogging quite some time ago with the idea that I might pick up my habit of journaling again, after something of a hiatus. It has turned out to be something a little different than I expected.

Blogging brought new friends into my life. I've written before about how much they mean to me. Some of them have become a webring and then a 501(c)3, and I'll be meeting with some of them for the next few days in Atlanta, planning the Big Event to be held by RevGalBlogPals in 2008. It's strange, but the ones I have not met in person yet are almost as real to me as the ones I have met.  And the newer additions to the ring have also become friends, some very quickly, as it happens in "real" life.

Maintaining a blog has become a hobby and a commitment (and perhaps at times an obsession).  I learned how to do it by wanting the things I saw on other people's blogs and figuring out how to install them myself. This is why I tell new bloggers that they can learn this, too, for I am middle-aged and self-taught.

Most of all, blogging gets me writing more often and in more ways, and each type of writing feeds the others. It led to writing for the local paper, and that led to re-connecting with my childhood friend, Ruby, who is a blogger now herself! Sermon writing flows in a way it never did before because I am writing all the time. Some days I get home and MUST write before I can do anything else. It's become clear that writing is my deep gladness; I hope it's also true that it in some way meets the world's deep needs. As I consider the next step of my life and ministry, more time for writing would appear to be a necessity.

Writing for the blog, even deciding which aspects of my life to disclose and which to cloak to some extent, makes me more conscious of who I really am, pushes me to be clear about what my life and my experiences are saying. It also points out what I don't want others to know, usually the things I wish I did not know myself.

In honor of this post numbered 1000, I hope you'll say hello, especially if you're a lurker. We're approaching the neighborhood of 9000 comments since I came over to Typepad, so there may well be a little souvenir of my trip for commenter #9000. Thank you for your feedback, your friendship, your love. May the next thousand posts prove as fruitful.

Much as I hate to

I'm going to institute those Comment Captchas as a regular thing after dealing with 35 spam comments in the past 24 hours or so. Sorry!

90,000

This morning I received visit #90,000 since I installed Site Meter on February 11, 2005. I had been blogging regularly*for almost a year at that point, after a three-day introduction to blogging beginning February 5, 2003. It's hard for me to believe I even knew what a blog was at that particular moment, but I guess I did.

In several switches to and from Haloscan and in my eventual move from Blogger to Typepad, I lost all comments made before September, 2005, and I'm sorry for that (although I do like Typepad).

If you are from in or around Louisburg, Kansas, you were visitor #90,000, and I would love to send you a little something. Send me an e-mail if you would rather not reveal yourself in a comment. And whether or not I  hear from Louisburg, Visitor #90,001 was from Mottville, NY, and I have a little prize for that  person, too. Both are souvenirs from my travels last summer.

In the past several years, blogging has brought many new friends into my life, some of whom I have had a chance to meet in person, others who I still hope to meet someday. I'm grateful for all of you.

*This was a post that told a story I really love, so if you don't click on the other links, at least go see this one. There are lots of dog pictures in the early posts.

Thanksgiving De-Lurking Week

This inspiring notion came from our friend Mindy, who noted that blog comments seem to be down, and comes to you from RevGalBlogPals.

If you're reading, but not commenting, unveil yourself!

I know I'm thankful for the community I've developed by blogging, both those I've met in person and those who remain, for now, cyber-friends. I also know that when things get busy, I'm guilty of reading but not commenting.

I get plenty of comments, so I'm not begging for more, although you are certainly welcome to identify yourselves, gentle readers. But take this one further and go de-lurk somewhere else, too.
You don't have to be a RevGalBlogPal to do this. I hope you'll all revel in revealing and in Thanksgiving, too!

And here's a Thanksgiving bonus story:

This morning we took time in worship, silent time without music, which is daring, in my opinion, for each person to write a list of five things he or she was thankful for today. Then I invited people to share, wondering if anyone would say anything.  Here are a few of the things that happened. Six elementary aged girls (no Sunday School for them today) all wanted to come to the microphone and  read their lists. An 8th-grader, the only girl in her age bracket, came up and said she was thankful for the friends she has made in the church. A preacher's kid around my age came forward to say how thankful she was that children felt comfortable enough in our church to speak, and to ask to speak again. My student thanked the church for welcoming him and his partner, and his partner echoed this, then said he was thankful to God for bringing my student into his life. The mom of a young boy gave thanks for those who are willing to serve in our armed forces, even though she doesn't agree with the war. And a man in his fifties, who hopes to move from the city shelter to a shelter for homeless vets, thanked us for welcoming him back to the church where he was baptized, and for welcoming the two friends he brought with him.

No one behaved as if any of these things were surprising or shocking. We all just beamed.

And I am thankful for that.

How They Get Here

Today I had a visit from someone because this blog is the first hit for the following Google Search:

ninja snowsuit

Hurry home, Pure Luck!

Guest Blogger: #2 Son

From #2 Son:

First and foremost, I am a teenager. I have always been reluctant to get caught up in the latest fads and the like, but one piece of popular culture I have indulged myself in is Myspace.com. Oh, the wonder, the majesty.

Myspace has one function similar to forwarding mass e-mails. One may post a bulletin, which is then readable by all of their friends. They may then repost the bulletin, and sometimes add their name to the bottom of a long list of people who, for whatever reason, have too much time on their hands. Some bulletins are also surveys, and upon reposting one may change the topic name to reflect their scores, etc. Though a few of the bulletins I read have to do with upcoming shows and the like, the majority flooding my inbox read “i am _64_ % preppy”, “I'm playful and friendly with guys, so i must be a tease.” or something just as repulsive and full or erroneous spellings.

I have always considered these as a form of peer pressure, and I never repost them unless I come across something exceedingly hilarious. (Mind you, these are few and far between.) If I don’t want to repost a bulletin, I shouldn’t have to, despite the threats to be “unfriended” or “an incompassionate person.” And yes, I know that’s misspelled.

So today, as I was perusing my inbox for something worth-while to read, and looking for the door charge for that band I want to go see, I saw a topic name that was most disturbing. “My Jesus,” it read. My curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to throw my dignity in the closet for a few moments and opened the darn thing.

When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you! If you are one of the 4% who will stand up for him repost this w/the title: My Jesus...... i bet 96% OF YOU WON'T POST THIS

The person who reposted this bulletin is a “friend” of mine from school; a person who I’ve noted will talk a lot about things she doesn’t really live up to, just for the sake of it. (For instance, very loudly in the middle of class: Ms. Carter? Is there any extra credit work?) So, in short, this disgusted me. It had put me in a bit of a bind. If I gave in to the bulletin, I was a faithful follower of Christ, and if not, I was a heartless Satanist. The problem is that I, for the record, am not a Satanist, but I also respected myself too much to repost this.

After reading the bulletin a certain passage popped in to my head, and I couldn’t shake it. I can thank years of listening to my mother preach and multiple viewings of Godspell, I suppose. Regardless, I knew I had to get this person back. I couldn’t let them get away with reposting something so stupid. I came up with this response, which was quickly sent back to them.

Luke 14:11
"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Don't flaunt your faith. I'm surprised. I didn't take you for a Pharisee.

Really, all I have to say to that is CHRIST-OWNED.

I repeat. I am a teenager.

Publicity

Every now and then I get it in my head that I would like my blog to be a bit more visible or visited. I start visiting other blogs and leaving comments, and that might bring a few people here. Occasionally I use a technorati tag. Every now and then I write about a topic or person in the news. And sometimes I write about or post pictures of the dogs and invite readers from the Bernese e-mail lists to come and see. Each of these things might get me a little bump in visits, but I generally revert to my average fairly soon.

Last week I wrote about a person in the news. Her story caught my interest, and I felt concern about how the world might view her. Since then, I have not been avidly reading up on her, nor have I been keeping track of cable news, so it has been a surprise to note that my readership is up, up, up, because of searches for her name.

That's the last way I wanted to attract more readers.

My words were likely a disappointment to Googlers hoping for details, clues and other crime talk. They'll have to search further.

Meanwhile, regular readers may have noticed I've added sidebar links to Small Church's home page (a free one-page website made available by the UCC to churches in the Still Speaking program) and our blog. A childhood friend (Hi!) recently found the blog by Googling "Songbird's real name," thus giving the lie to my success at quasi-pseudonymity. And as #2 Son points out, anyone who sees my Avatar will know it's me, even though I am not purple in real life...

What lucy did

Since lucy did this, I find I must, too.

It's a word cloud, generated from words found on my blog. I was very pleased to discover I could eliminate some words, especially since one on the original design was "inappropriate." Do you want to do this, too? Go here. I'm ordering a t-shirt!

Everybody's Doing It

delurk2_1
Originally uploaded by ppolarbear.

If you have been reading but haven't felt moved to comment, I hope you will take a moment to say hello! It's all the rage, and who can resist a fad?
(Hat tip to peripatetic polar bear for the image.)

Feeding Frenzy

According to bloglines, there are both RSS and atom feeds available now, but when I went to the subscription page, I only saw the Welcome! post and not the 23:5 meme post from last night. This is a test post, to see if Bloglines updates me.
At least I figured out the time zone thing.

Welcome!

Welcome to my new digs. Anyone know how I can convince Typepad I live in the Eastern Time Zone?

Extreme Makeover, Blog Edition

We had yet another snow day yesterday, so I had some time on my hands. I've been wanting to change to this color scheme, or something like it, but I had trouble changing the box around the blog title. I finally uncovered those mysteries yesterday and was able to get the look I wanted.

I also had fun making Berner Molly my avatar, with some help from #2 Son, BloggerBot and Paint.

I can't guarantee that this is a permanent change, but it's not intentionally liturgical. Nor is it a result of exercise collapse. I just love bluey purples and purpley blues.

It was a good day off, unplanned, filled with puttering around both blog and kitchen, working on the latest prayer shawl and exercising until I actually smelled like someone who had exercised. The work I brought home didn't even get a look-see. This means I'll be playing catch-up with myself the rest of the week, but it was worth it!

And now for something completely different

You may have noticed I haven't posted a sermon recently. I've started a blog for the church, mostly as a place to post activities of the week, but also for posting my sermons for people who can't get to church. So if you *really* want to read them...pop on over to Letting the Light Shine.

I'd love to see the church with a real website, but that's $500 we can't easily come up with at the moment (and if we had it, I'd rather give it to the Soup Kitchen or the Food Pantry). A parishioner is taking a web design class, so all I really need is someone who would like to host us for free. So many of the things I thought we would never manage to get or do at church have manifested, perhaps this will, too.

Starting Over

Green with envy that everyone in the world seems to have a blog, I finally remembered that I had started one, too, a little over a year ago. It lasted for all of three days.

I think this particular format seemed undramatic: no place to list the books I'm reading or the music I'm listening to, for instance. But I suppose I can just write that in...

The book of the moment is Thornton Wilder's "The Bridge of San Luis Rey." (More on that when I finish reading it.) The CD that still gets a lot of air time both in the office and in the car is the soundtrack to "Cold Mountain." I love hearing the Sacred Harp singing, but am also particularly fond of "Scarlet Tide."

The text on my mind this week is Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32, the story of the Prodigal Son. Last summer my non-believing husband came to church to portray Goliath in a dramatic telling of the story of David and Goliath, and he said he would come back some time if the part was as good. I invited him to play the father this week, and told him that the father represents God, so really he would be playing God. That sold him. Fathers and sons are fascinating to me. My dad was such a huge person in my life, and I see my kids having a very different relationship to theirs. My Dad was something of a god in our household. He could set things right; he was to be tiptoed around when tired; he was the ultimate authority. Part of that was how my mother set us all up to live together; I don't think he was into having the power that way. But he grew accustomed to it and eventually comfortable, too.

As we were working on the financial aid forms for the #1 Son, I discovered that for the purposes of FAFSA, his stepdad becomes his dad. We've all talked about how odd that seems, how unrelated it is to our own feelings, or maybe not unrelated but just describing our family so incorrectly. Pure Luck is more a friend to #1 Son and seldom enhabits the role of superior with him. They operate as peers. It's different with #2 Son and the Little Princess. They relate to him as an adult and an authority figure, a trustworthy big person who helps them with homework and drives them to jazz band rehearsals or dance class when Mom can't do it. But he's not exactly daddy with them. He's daddy with the dogs, Molly and, especially, Sam. They plow their tail-wagged bodies into him the way an excited toddler runs to daddy at the end of the day. They run with him and keep their eyes on him (again, especially Sam). They look to him for everything. Pure Luck grew up without his dad, for the most part, and this dad thing is totally new and peculiar. He didn't expect to be good with the kids. But when I see the Little Princess run to kiss him good-night, I think how well they are all doing, how well we are all doing, at making a new family.

First Post

My spouse thinks that a blog is just another thing to suck up my time, and he may be right, but I find myself so envious of those who have one that I feel I must indulge the green-eyed monster, Jealousy. This is ironic considering that my sermon on Sunday was all about not letting our demons control us! (See Mark 1:21-28) Of course my major demon is not this Envy Bug but rather my fear of abandonment. And in my dreams last night it was obvious that this particular imp is disinclined to let go. I woke up feeling disoriented, with the result that we were all late getting out the door and #1 Son received his #1 detention in his high school career. He feels the attendance person was at fault, which I suppose is kinder than blaming his mother.

It's raining here and fog is creeping down, down, down. I could use a day of sunshine.

The Molly dog looks well and sturdy on the eve of her hip re-check.

More soon...